I got the greatest news the other day I finally got a court date to go in front of a disability judge and let him make the decision if I'm disabled to the point I can't hold down a job or not. I have an attorney who took my case with no fee until I win which made me think he must really, really think I've got a good case to do that. I have been so confident this entire time waiting on a court date and now that I have one I'm freaking out. What if the judge denies my claim what's going to happen then because it's been proven over and over and over again I cannot hold down a job. I have days where I can't get out of bed no matter how hard I try there are even 2 to 3 days in a row like that at times. I have tried to make myself get up between 7 and 9 every morning I've done well so far now it a matter of staying on that schedule. It's the depression for sure so when I go back to see my psychiatrist I'm going to ask her to add something to my anti-depressant. My marriage I think is alright. Yesterday while we were at Wal-Mart I asked my wife to hold my hand and she said she wasn't in the mood which very much upset me. When we got home she saw I was upset and asked what was wrong when I told her she said she was really irritated for some reason which made me feel a little better but what if she just said that. Now that I think about it my marriage has to be alright for us to be doing what we're planning to. Sorry guys I can't tell anyone just yet what it is quite yet. Things so far are going well with our living situation but that could change as quick as you can flip a switch to turn on a light. It's sad that I'm 30 years old and just now feel like I'm responsible and mature. I've been handling the check book and bills and I have shocked myself. I've been clean for over two years now and things are so much different when you're looking at them with a clear head. I only wish I could have gotten clean much sooner. Well, I'm going to cut this one short I've got to help look for the satellite bill.