A lot has happened in a very short amount of time...

On October 14, 2011 my wife and I  had a still born baby boy we named Aiden Alexander Griffey...He didn't weigh but 5oz and was approximately 6in long....He was born at 9:58 that night...We were very, very much dealing with pain her nor I had never dealt with before and it took us a couple of weeks and we decided before my wife even had a period after she stopped bleeding from our son we were going to start trying again as soon as possible and that's exactly what we did...I swear my wife who's name is Sonya in case you're wondering is fertility friends best customer...You can tell everything thing on that site by putting in a few things like when you bleed it asks specifics too it would have then asked her what kind of bleeding she was having and stuff like taking your temperature vaginally everyday around the same time but you have to do it as soon as you wake up and using just that site we were able to tell the perfect day to be inseminated and both times now it's worked the first try...That site is amazing...I know my kids are happy about a possibly new little brother or sister but I'm not sure how my mom's going to react even though we told her we were going to try again...When you loose a child like that your mind doesn't say ok Stephanie and Sonya you will no longer want anymore children together because you lost Aiden...The strong desire is still there for her and I to have another child together...Srry to cut this short I had plenty more to say but I have to run...I'll come back sometime later...

I got the greatest news the other day I finally got a court date to go in front of a disability judge and let him make the decision if I'm disabled to the point I can't hold down a job or not. I have an attorney who took my case with no fee until I win which made me think he must really, really think I've got a good case to do that. I have been so confident this entire time waiting on a court date and now that I have one I'm freaking out. What if the judge denies my claim what's going to happen then because it's been proven over and over and over again I cannot hold down a job. I have days where I can't get out of bed no matter how hard I try there are even 2 to 3 days in a row like that at times. I have tried to make myself get up between 7 and 9 every morning I've done well so far now it a matter of staying on that schedule. It's the depression for sure so when I go back to see my psychiatrist I'm going to ask her to add something to my anti-depressant. My marriage I think is alright. Yesterday while we were at Wal-Mart I asked my wife to hold my hand and she said she wasn't in the mood which very much upset me. When we got home she saw I was upset and asked what was wrong when I told her she said she was really irritated for some reason which made me feel a little better but what if she just said that. Now that I think about it my marriage has to be alright for us to be doing what we're planning to. Sorry guys I can't tell anyone just yet what it is quite yet. Things so far are going well with our living situation but that could change as quick as you can flip a switch to turn on a light. It's sad that I'm 30 years old and just now feel like I'm responsible and mature. I've been handling the check book and bills and I have shocked myself. I've been clean for over two years now and things are so much different when you're looking at them with a clear head. I only wish I could have gotten clean much sooner. Well, I'm going to cut this one short I've got to help look for the satellite bill.

Family...

Hi my name's Stephanie, I'm 29 years old, married to my wonderful wife of 7 years, and we have 3 kids together...In my past I've had quite a problem with pills and alcohol but have been clean now for 2 years and one month I also kicked smoking cigarettes Nov. 2, 2009...Due to my addictions my life during that time was so chaotic and I made my wife's life a living hell...I feel like I am one of the luckiest people alive to still have my wife and kids after the hell I put them through...I am being 100% honest when I say that I would have left me if I'd be in my wife's shoes...I've asked why she didn't leave me and she said she knew when I was under the influence I wasn't myself she knew who the real me was and she just kept hoping I'd change...I don't know many people who could look at things that way...My kids saw and heard things they never should have had to...I have one biological child myself that my mother has custody of...I lost him before I met my wife before I got clean and it was because of my drug and alcohol problem that I lost him...I am very much involved in his life though...I can see and/or talk to him whenever I want my Mom is very good about that and she's always told me she'd never keep me from seeing him and she never has...I used to want him back so bad but I've realized that would disrupt his entire life if I were to do that...He's ten years old and Moms had him since he was 18 months old so she's his comfort, security, and it's obvious his happiness...If he wants to come live with me when he's old enough to make that decision then that'll be different but I will not before then tear him up mentally and emotionally by getting him back...He doesn't like the type of parent I am anyway...I am definately a hard ass parent but I'm respected by my other 3...My oldest 2 children are 13 and 10...My wife (Sonya) had them by her ex husband but when she left him he walked out on the kids...I've been to them what he should be for the last 7 years...At first I wasn't happy about that I thought no woman could raise a boy to be a man but now I wouldn't have it any other way...My 13 year old will grow up to be a better man learning from me than he would half be if he were to look up to his father...Their father is an alcoholic and a pot head...He's over and over again chose alcohol and women over his kids for the past almost 8 years now but it's always someone else's fault which is fine with me I don't want him involved....Everytime we've given him a chance with the kids he ends up hurting them so they're actually better off...I love my kids Steven he's our 13 year old he looks up to me so much it makes me feel so good....He dresses like me, acts like me, listens to and watches the same things I do...My wife and I have a 3 year old she's our youngest and last we had her together with the help of a donor and at home artificial insemination...I love my kids they are wonderful but they do very much get on my nerves...My wife and I met through my mother...Sonya and my mom had been friends for 10 years and we had just never met one another but as soon as we did that was it we were head over heals in the love thing...We were only together a few months and she legally took my last name, she had my name tattooed on her back and I had her name put on my arm....A year later on June 24, 2006 we had our commitment ceremony...We've been through some hell and we always came out stronger than ever before...I had another tattoo of celtic hearts and had all 4 kids names put around the outside of it because my love for them is never ending like a celtic knot no beginning and no end...I'm the stay home parent to our 3 but I have some mental problems along with back problems so I have a pending disability case...My wife currently works Sat. and Sun. 7p to 7a as a substance tech and attends school full time to become a social worker...A lot of responsibility falls on me because she stays so busy with school, school work, work, and trying to catch a few hours sleep...We live with her mother who also has some serious mental issues and causes quite a few problems for us...She thinks because we live in her house she can tell us what we can and can't do and what kind of parents we can and can't be or what kind we should be no I'm not joking she really thinks that...When I'm approved for disability I think we're probably going to get back out on our own because there's no sense of security here...She'll get mad and kick us out there for a while we were getting kicked out once a week...I'm very excited because Tuesday the 22nd we have an appt. with an attorney to get my legal rights to the daughter we had together...We got sole custody of our oldest two kids close to the end of last year...My oldest son wants my last name so bad so Sonya and I printed out some minor name change forms we found online and we're going to try without his fathers permission since we have sole custody and he has nothing not even visitation...Not that he would see them if he did he won't stay sober long enough...He was offered supervised visits with them and his response was "HELL NO" because he was asked to not be drinking...It's really sad how much of a sorry ass parent he is to them and they're the ones suffering they can't drink their feelings away like he does...He's a sad strange little man and he has my pity...I'm just glad we finally got sole custody so now we're without a doubt sure we have nothing to worry about concerning him trying to come back into our lives 7 years of chance after chance is enough...I can say this for him the one thing he's done the entire 7 years is pay child support because it was taken out of his check before he got it...Don't get me wrong he tried and his new wife tried to get Sonya to put a stop to having it come out of his check like we're stupid or something...That wife's left him too when he was laid off we all tried to tell him she was all about his money...I'm going to wrap this up I have a friend in need of a friend...